


Hogwarts by Allen Ginsberg.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Allen Ginsberg - Freeform, Flash Fic, Gen, Hogwarts, I refuse to give up my obsession, Nobody told me this was a bad idea fast enough, Not RPF, Parody, Pastiche, Poetry, Things To Do With A BA In English, When Hogwarts Students Get Exam Stress, blame #yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 20:51:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8416333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: Hogwarts I've spent seven years here and I still can't get the staircases right.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Parody of [America by Allen Ginsberg](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/49305), after the parody poem [Canadæ by Jeramy Dodds](http://www.geist.com/poetry/canadae/). I blame #yuletide for this, so much.

Hogwarts I've spent seven years here and I still can't get the staircases right.  
Hogwarts my hat doesn't stay pointed from sunup to sundown.  
I'm too young for erectile dysfunction.  
The Astronomy tower gives me vertigo.  
I put my name in the Goblet of Fire, and also your name, and Voldemort's.  
I don't always know who you're talking about.  
I never did.  
Hogwarts I don't know who to ask.  
Hogwarts my first year I got on the train and didn't know where we were going.  
I still don't.  
I think I'm going to buy a map.

Hogwarts for Christmas I bought you the greatest hits of wizarding rock but you already had it.  
I wanted to return it but you said it was okay.  
I don't think it was.  
Hogwarts am I moving too fast? Is it too soon?  
It's seven years I'm about to leave anyway.  
Can I get an answer?

Hogwarts it wasn't my fault I missed the exam the staircase put me in the lake.  
Hogwarts I think I failed my exams.  
I always fail my exams.  
Hogwarts me and my sister went down to the library and spent all night studying charms way past curfew nobody caught us we snuck out in the morning and sirius black attacked us I mean it this happened and I still failed my exams I went the next night and tried again and the librarian threw me out I ask you is this fair.  
Hogwarts is this any way to run a school?  
Hogwarts I heard that rumor about the restricted section.  
Hogwarts I know it's true.  
I'm going to find a time turner and go back to the good old days when we could still win a quidditch match.  
I think that was my fourth year.  
It's hard to keep track.  
Nobody remembers quidditch scores except the players and they don't count.  
Hogwarts where I can find the school standings?  
I'm tired of losing house points.  
I don't understand the houses I don't like my roommates they all snore and one of them bites.  
Hogwarts when I was eleven I still bit my nails I'm not sure that's an age for me to make long-term decisions.  
I still bite my nails.  
Last year I went to a Gryffindor/Ravenclaw match and cheered for Hufflepuff on purpose and that wasn't a good decision and that was a better decision than any a hat could make.  
I don't think that hat has good judgment.  
I'm just saying has it been calibrated recently?  
Hogwarts does the sorting hat get regular tune-ups?  
Does it have a mechanic?  
Are there certifications?  
I don't understand any of this.  
I read Hogwarts A History but fell asleep and woke up in 1632 and they told me this happens all the time.  
You should have heard me composing a new tune for the school song.  
I told everyone I failed charms because of a repetitive stress injury in my wand hand.

Hogwarts are you listening?  
I'm addressing you.  
You tell me I should talk about the future.  
I don't want to talk about the future it's going to happen no matter what I do.  
I should really find a time turner.  
Do you need a certification for that?  
I can get it after I inspect the sorting hat.  
After all I mean someone should.  
Don't thank me it's the least I can do.  
You know I have school spirit it's only that I left it in my other robe.  
My penpal from Durmstrang sent it to me.

Hogwarts do we have a veterinarian for my familiar?  
I don't know what to do about magical fleas.  
We didn't cover this in class.  
Hogwarts I'm worried about my education.  
The last time I was in Diagon Alley I was offered a job to be a Muggle impersonator three galleons a day.  
Hogwarts I'm not sure what that means.  
Hogwarts why aren't Muggle Studies required?  
Hogwarts this is quite serious.  
Hogwarts this is impeding my professional development.  
Don't you want me to contribute to the alumni fund?  
It's true I don't want to join the Ministry, fight evildoers and Weasleys, I'm redheaded and Slytherin anyway.  
Hogwarts I'm ready to graduate now.


End file.
